The coming of August may bring...

MASSIVE PANIC ATTACKS OF REALIZATION.

Why yes, I have been avoiding the topic of leaving for fear of mind melting. So the only logical thing to do? Clearly, atleast for me (someone who likes to think she has a grasp on her own feelings and certain psychological bizarre oddities), was to completely ignore the subject in every way. It was probably a valiant effort made up of NOT JUST fooling others, but even myself (gasp). For example:

plan 1: Nonchalantly telling people that I was excited to spend the summer relaxing and getting ready for college (thinking college would never come...oh august, how you seemed so far back in june, okay in july too).

plan 2: Taking a not-so-coincidental hiatus from blogging often ("if i don't address it, it won't happen...right?)

plan 3: Hiding my extreme anxiety and nervousness about leaving, with sheer excitement, obsession, and making unfulfilling friendships with new classmates via fb.

plan 4: If I don't pack up my stuff/beginning organizing the tornado that is my room, I won't actually have to leave. (this is still a viable plan...maybe just by default of my messiness)

plan 5: mini implosion. (this seems most plausible at this point)

Alas, all of these plans have come to no avail. It is August, and the ND alumni club sendoff picnic yesterday, purchasing of unreasonably large suitcases (there is NO need for anyone to have this many large suitcases...except for maybe...the biggest overpacker, yours truly), constant reminders from friends and family (no, the casual..."do you realize we're moving away and that our lives are going to change for ever?" questions do NOT fare well with the average ever-nervous-soon-to-be college freshman), and persistent dreams/nightmares (curse you subconscious) have made it glaringly obvious that I am approaching the last two weeks of my time in Salem for the summer. Though I like to think I'm fairly logical and understanding of my situations, I am completely dumbfounded by this entire transitional period and I don't know what/how to feel anymore. But mostly, I'm just scared of growing up.

*note, this entire post may or may not have been written in an impulsive state of mind and therefore most likely reflects the true opinions and statements of the author.