Calculus Saturdays

What once used to be my favorite day of the week filled with cartoons, lazy mornings, and family breakfasts has took a terrible turn for the worst. Saturdays are hell. I wake up at 8:30, go to SAT cram school in Portland, cry with Jenny, and come home. But that's not all. Saturdays have recently (and when I say recently I mean the entire Winter term) become devoted to a nefarious evil, calculus. Knowing I wasn't a distance learner, I signed up for the only available night Calculus class (the one online)...aka death. Ever since then I've been doing an entire week's worth of Calculus on Saturday. Yes, I know you can't actually expect to retain anything when you have marathons of it once a week.

So *message to all* Never ask me what I have "planned for the weekend" or "what I'll be up to" because I"ll cry inside and lie to you. "I'm not sure yet."

Apart from saving lives and doing other heroic deeds...

Today I volunteered at the hospital. Volunteering at the hospital truly is a love-hate relationship for me. I love being in the hospital environment and randomly forcing docs to talk to me in the elevators, often to a stalkerish degree... Unfortunately, something that you realize after like three weeks of volunteering (they usually sugarcoat the job for atleast the first 2 weeks...) is that volunteering doesn't mean "helping the community" or "making a difference in healthcare" like you wrote on your volunteer application, but its usually a disgusting amount of filing, alphabetizing, and licking envelopes. Since I've been volunteering for over a year, I usually find myself doing some sucky job in a little office or sending mail (usually junk mail unworthy of being opened) to the docs. And I digress, but today was a different kind of sucky office filing. I was in the medical staff office that, until today, I thought only delivered mail, but it actually has a more awesome, secret function. In a small, code-locked room in the very corner of the office is a place where the hospital keeps its deepest darkest secrets. First of all, putting me in that room was probably the worst decision anyone could ever make, but if its a volunteer, "lets lock her in the sucky room with two hours of filing!" As I was thinking horrible thoughts in my head as I reached for the first paper on top of the 1-1.5 foot (yes, foot) stack of papers, I realized that these were the papers of failures. Those failures that can never be uttered within hearing distance without the slight chance of lawsuits or worse, losing your medical license. Every paper in the pile was a complaint, was a misunderstanding, was a failure that needed to be addressed. Its probably not a good idea for a doctor to come upfront and say that he or she accidentally dropped the baby due to the emergent conditions of the mother and the unusually quick delivery. So here, as I discovered, was the outlet for these doctors to admit their faults, to learn from their mistakes, and acknowledge the true mortal powers of a single human. But they must do it in hiding through these letters, emails, and dictations amongst eachother. Never letting on, but continuing to be super humans in the eyes of us lay people. The system is truly flawed.

Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, has meant one thing to me for the past seventeen years of my life---getting ash crosses on our foreheads at church, on a Wednesday.

But this year, for some reason, something felt different to me. I'm not exactly sure why, but the symbolism of it all dawned on me (not that I didn't know it was symbolism before...). The gray ashes, from the left over palms of Palm Sunday, really meant the fragility and mortality of life. It really did symbolize our dependence on Jesus, just as fasting does. How simple, but at the same time, how intricately beautiful could a simple ash cross on a forehead be? And as every parishioner left the building to return to his or her own private life, probably filled with things to do and things to see, everyone was marked with a humble sign of fault and failure---with a renewed need for something more to fill the empty spaces. Beautiful.

so stressed...

Geography? Seriously?

c'mon, as if history isn't bad enough.


People in all of their wisdom are always saying that a balanced education is extremely valuable for becoming a well-rounded person, but I really disagree sometimes. Why not let someone get a more in-depth education in a subject that they actually enjoy and plan to pursue? Maybe a couple of general classes, but the student should be able to focus on their true interests.


What I meant to say in one sentence (a feature that needs to be implemented more often):
I like math and science; this will never change.



stress: online calculus test, geography (of the entire world) test, chem test, mythology test, benefit concert tomorrow (i guess today), ASE final application essays, the fact that i haven't practiced since my lesson last wednesday, i didn't watch the oscars(but it doesn't matter because i didn't watch any movies last year), etc.

errrm

So I haven't really had any profound epiphanies...or other stupid things to write about lately. The only thing that might possibly be worth mentioning is my new found love of xkcd.com. haha. I"ll just leave it at that.


Praying that the debilitating epidemic that has hit Sprague and its 95% recycled air slows its path of destruction...(meanwhile I've been noticing extra parking spaces in the mornings)

Lakers beat Atlanta tonight.

musings on an insightful lecture

When I first entered spanish class this year, with a new teacher, I was definitely shocked by her new teaching style. She calmly stated at the beginning of the year that she didn't believe in strict "book-teaching." And I must admit that when I first heard this, I was a little worried because personally I'm a great "book-learner," but I was also very doubtful of the success this approach might have. A semester of games, songs, and skits later, I am a firm believer of unconventional teaching/learning. And really, it wasn't a big deal. I went in to class to have fun, didn't have homework, and got good grades.

Then today, during her lecture on "multiple intelligences," I finally realized that my approach to education for the past 9 or so years has been so incredibly wrong. We analyzed why school stopped being "fun" after elementary school. Apparently in the wee stages of education, we're all extremely excited to LEARN and take things away from school. Unfortuntately, there comes a point in every American student's educational journey when a teacher stops being your best friend and matches you with a letter determining your success (or lack there of). I'm not too sure when or why that happened to me, but I'm definitely the poster-child of our "broken education system." I've sadly realized that school has become less of a learning/growing experience and more of a competetive factory system to pick up a 4.0, extra-curriculars, and teacher recs for my next educational journey.


I don't want my highschool journey to be a compilation of letters and numbers.

back with a vengeance (but not really)

I've been thinking about this "blog" (if you can even call it that) a lot lately and whether I should just terminate its sorry life or actually, *gasp*, continue. And as I read my post on the Elsinore concert of December 2007, I remembered why I wanted to blog. Not so I could be better at writing (all hope is lost there), but so that I can remember the little joys and triumphs I have in my premature life. So I continue.

All stress and highschool "drama" aside, I feel really excited about where I am in life and what's "just around the corner." I recently submitted a preliminary application for a summer internship in science and engineering, and I'm really hoping it works out. I'd be so thrilled to have any chance to be on the OHSU campus, even as a grunt (hah). All of my classes are enjoyable and manageable thus far. Calculus is still a pain in the butt, but I'm still pulling through. Really what I'm trying to say is, my previous thoughts on wanting to skip everything and jump right into a medical career, aren't as strong. And I'm excited for the journey.


FML Lakers lost today. It's ok, we're still 42-10 (aka first in league).